My liver just broke up with me...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
