i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
