Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize