the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
