Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just pee around me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
