Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
