is wine microwaveable?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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