So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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