Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize