I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
