Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
