god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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