just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
