I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
