Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
