I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
