i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Houston, we have a blender
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
