Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
