I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize