I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
