There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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