I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
