In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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