Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Less talking, more tequila
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
