i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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