i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
