I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
