At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
