cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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