I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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