Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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