dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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