I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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