I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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