Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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