My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
