Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
