New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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