I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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