I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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