I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
