I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
