Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
