I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
