I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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