I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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