So drunk its hurt
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
