I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
