I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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