Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
