You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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