My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
