I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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