i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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