What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
