dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Are we still banned from the library?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
