he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
