i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
