My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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