she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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