We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
