i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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