My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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