I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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