4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nicole vs. Life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
