I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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