just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
